So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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