he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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