Are we in a gay sports bar?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
