I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
