I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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