i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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