Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
