He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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