I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
