Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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