Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
