felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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