you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
