We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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