Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
