We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
