First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize