Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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