The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
