So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
