After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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