Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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