I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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