she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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