You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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