the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
