is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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