sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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