just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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