Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
