I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
