things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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