i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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