He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
