wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
