i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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