That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
