dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We left the knife in your bed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
