I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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