I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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