it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
