I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
