My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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