I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
