for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
