I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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