We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
