OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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