So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
