Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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