Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize