So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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