Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
